Sex on the first date- Hell ya!

If I am feeling it, I think it's better to have sex sooner rather than later in a relationship. Sex is an important thing to me, and I need to be sure that I am going to click with someone sexually as much as I need to be sure I am going to click with someone in other ways.

Besides, every reason I have ever heard for girl's waiting to have sex is pretty stupid. He won't respect you, he's just looking for sex (maybe I am too), girls get all bondy over sex and having it too soon means you might feel too much for an idiot, blah blah blah.

First, on the respect thing. If I want sex, and he wants sex, I don't see anything respectful about waiting other than to prove some patriarchal bullshit about how women are the pussy gatekeepers and letting someone in without making them beg or plead for the appropriate amount of time makes you less respectful. I have more respect for people who know what they want and are willing to go get it, thank you very much.

He's just looking for sex. I may just be looking for sex. I often am just looking for sex. As long as everybody is honest upfront about their intentions, then we can all be grown up about it. I do generally follow the rule that booty calls and one night stands rarely turn into something more, so I don't get my heart all mixed up in what my naughty bits want.

Girls get all bondy over sex. Sometimes girls (and boys) get bondy over stupid people, sex or no sex (hello- how many poems, songs, plays, movies, novels have been written about unrequited love?) Sometimes people get their hearts broken because they want someone who doesn't want them. Part of being a grown up is learning not to waste too much time on this, and you only get to be good at figuring out when you're wasting time through practice, practice, practice.

And finally, the most important reason I don't like to wait to have sex- every single time I've done that with someone I've really liked is that I have been sorely disappointed once we finally did have sex. I mean major disappointment. I mean I could have been ironing my clothes or digging ditches and got more pleasure disappointed. I mean small, skilless, lazy, timid, boring, horrible sex.

I have tried, on at least 2 and a half occasions to be teacher to these disappointments. I am patient, kind, encouraging and really good at giving instructions. All that has ever come from it are boyz who are even lazier lovers than before I started. But I gave it a shot because on other levels we were very compatible. I've learned my lesson now, if the sex ain't pretty damn good to start with, I am not wasting my time.

And I am really not going to waste several dates before I find out if we are going to click in bed.