Crank Yanker

Or how CJ and I became fast friends.

Last year I met CJ in November when the Naughty Prof came up for a visit. We all went to dinner, had Ethiopian food, it was fun.

The night before my birthday, out of the blue CJ called and asked if I wanted to go to the Erotic Art Exhibit with her. No one else she knew was going and she didn't want to go by herself. I said sure, put on my best silky noir outfit and headed to her place where we had drinks while the ever late CJ finished getting ready.

The exhibit itself was awesome. My favorite was a photogragh of a Ken doll holding a life sized condom and staring up at a real woman's pussy. It was like an Almodovar movie. We had many, many drinks including the worst vodka collins ever made. While in the bar area, a big bear of a guy bumped into me. When he apologized and promised not to do it again, I made a snarky comment about how he better not or he'd be punished.

Well, turns out this guy, who will be called Crank Yanker, was a bit of a masochist. Yay! I'm a bit of a sadist. He specifically likes cock and ball torture, something that other boys never let me do. So I reached under the pub table we were standing at, grabbed a handfull of cloth and balls and yanked hard, up and out. He was a happy boy.

Soon, we were explaining to CJ how torturing boy's bits is done and of course she had to give it a go. Crank Yanker bought several more rounds of drinks. I was feeling no pain at all. Crank Yanker wanted to feel more pain, so he unzipped his pants and pulled out crank Jr. CJ and I took turns pulling, twisting and yanking till my hands hurt. CJ, who has the most beautiful hands ever and perfect long oval talons for nails, started digging into Crank Jr. More drinks were bought, more yanks were yanked. At some point I either kissed a girl or gave her my phone number, I cannot remember.

Somehow I got home.I assume a cab ride was involved. I was soooo sick that I grabbed the giant stock pot I use for turkey stock and spent the next 18 hours puking my guts out. My birthday party was the next night at 8pm, I didn't stop puking till 7:30. I think it's the only birthday I have spent sober since I discovered booze.

Every now and then I will meet someone who CJ knows and upon hearing my name I will get "Ohhhhh you're THAT girl". CJ has now been banned from telling that story without me.