How to spot a married man

I seem to be some sort of freak magnet for married men. I think it's that I'm a bit of a libertine and my easy sexuality gets confused as a lack of morals. Not true actually. I have a high level of intolerance for lying. Lying to someone about who you are eliminates that person's choice. They think they are choosing one kind of relationship, when really they are being tricked into another. And if a guy is willing to lie to his wife, the person he promised to love till death, about you -then he will have no problems lying to you about everything.

So I thought I'd share my knowledge with you all. First, there are the normal big tip offs: only gives you his cell number, has a weird schedule, you never go to his place but to yours. Every single trashy girl mag will give you those clues, but that's not all there is.

1) Married guys are super romantic. Cards, flowers, mushy emails, sappy songs and poetry are all part of their tool kit. Remember, he's got a wife at home who has been telling him for years that he could be more romantic, so he knows what he's supposed to be doing. It's just with you he can do the easy romantic stuff without also having to do things like take out the trash or help put the kids to bed.

2) Presents, presents, presents. I've gotten a trip to Europe, really expensive shoes (my favorite Italian sandals and another pair of swanky heels), perfume, Lush products ( I love Lush, but it's so expensive I rarely can afford it myself). These are from guys who know they can't give you what you really want, so they buy your affection. What you really want is someone who will kill spiders for you or be there when your grandma dies. But married guy can't (and doesn't want to) do those things, he's already doing them for someone else. So they give really good presents.

3) Married guys talk- a lot. You would think that they just want to get down to dirty sex, but they are bigger talkers and less frequent fuckers than any other group of men I know. Again, they are doing with you what they can't do with their wives. Intricate discussions about literature and philosophy and art are hard to have when your wife is pissed because you left the laundry molding in the washing machine. But with you, they have no history of assholish neglect (yet) so they can have those big gorgeous discussions that get lost in everyday life.

In short, watch out for the super romantic, present-giving talker, he's already got one woman that he's making miserable and you don't need to be woman number two (or 3 or 4). That is the grand sum of my married guy wisdom.